Thursday, January 23, 2014

pieces

I have to be okay writing one piece at a time. When I decided (for the umpteenth time) I'd like to try putting together a book, I had a couple ideas about how that might look. I'm very interested in placing two or three genres side-by-side.

But when I scroll through the pieces I have drafted or in revision: there isn't a theme. None of it hangs together.

I wrote something about this to my editor (who I hope doesn't mind I call her "my editor" when I'm such a wannabe published author - minus the extreme hassle landing any publication will be) - anyway. I wrote something about how I don't have a clear vision for a whole collection and she wrote back the encouragement that I take my writing one piece at a time.

So maybe I quit fantasizing about a collection for awhile. Maybe I just get really good at revision. Maybe I quit thinking I've got it in me to put together a work anyone would read. My words might fall flat in print. I think about that.

So why do I keep on putting pen to paper? Why do I type the shit in my head and call it a personal essay? Why do I ask what any character wants?

The process should be enough. For years, I said it was. The process is less and less enough anymore. The process is an effort I enjoy, but with an end I'm hungry for: I want a dialogue with readers.

I don't think I'll get that for a long time yet. I'll keep writing. But lately I've felt really stupid for chasing this. Really, really stupid. Words matter. But if mine don't, and at the end of my life I learn I would have been as well off watching three hours of television a day instead of showing up at the page: God help me.

1 comment:

Steve said...

I was thinking about what you wrote here. Not so much the writing, but what you are thinking. The need to be published.

Now this may be a kinda personal comment, but that is kinda how I am. The need to be published, because?? You need more out of life. Something out there that says you matter??

If Society publishes what we say, then that means for us??

I like the way your write. I can hear your voice in it so to speak. At least to the personal stuff about you.

I think life is a certain way for all people. It isn't enough. We want more than what we feel inside.